how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
