i just wanna soil my oats bro
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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