Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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