In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
