Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
