I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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