I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
