u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
