Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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