you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
