Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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