He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my being single is dangerous.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
