Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Life is so much better after having sex.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
