All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
