The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
