man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
