You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
