my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
