And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
