You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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