We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize