Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
