just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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