There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
