he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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