I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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