It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
