hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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