I can text with my tongue
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
