I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
