i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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