U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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