I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
40s are totally the cure
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
