Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize