So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
