Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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