Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
