the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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