apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
