JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She bit a glass in half.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
