He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
