Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize