His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
