Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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