If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
