Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The air taste purple.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
