Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
