There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
