It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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