So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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