I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
