Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
