Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just high enough for therapy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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