I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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