ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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