this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
