dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
