Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
