He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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