Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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