return my video game
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
