Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
