I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
