It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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