why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
