No stitches, just platelets and will power
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
